Daily Life

Offensively Smelly

I have a pattern here of talking about things that I make, and the train that I take.  The two are usually interconnected as I have a lot of time to myself on my daily commute.  This time, I’d like to talk about smells.

Yes. Smells.

If you have ever been in a public space, excuse me, a closed public space, you become very aware of the people around you and how they smell.  Sometimes they smell incredibly nice.  When people wear subtle perfumes or colognes, it’s actually a pleasant surprise to your nostrils.  Once it hits you, your brain has a little “Oh, that was nice,” reaction to it.

In case you haven’t guess it yet, those are not the smells I am talking about.  Oh, no.  I want to talk about those people with these smells… these… SMELLS… whose very existence insults your senses.  Firstly, we have the sweaty smell.  Now, for certain females of the human race, certain sweat smells are actually attractive depending on what time of the menstrual cycle they are on.  But that’s only for certain sweat smells, and for certain female to male, and certain times during the month.  Meaning that, MOST of the time, TAKE A DAMN SHOWER!!! Or better yet, carry deodorant with you.  Lather that crap on as frequently as you can.  Unless you know for a fact you are not a sweaty person, I suggest you carry a speedstick with you wherever you go.  And I say speedstick because usually it’s the men who are sweaty smelly.  No offense intended, gentlemen.

My other issue with smells, is breath.  Yes.  That’s right.  Remember to brush your teeth please.  I understand you got up late and didn’t have time, and the likely hood of anyone “really” knowing whether you brushed your teeth or not will not be noticed.  I’m here to tell you that we notice.  Even when you talk low or face away, we can smell it.  If you think you have bad breath, you probably do.  Carry a mint with you, or a stick of minty gum, or a can of Febreze so you can spray it every time after you say something.  Also, see a dentist.  Some people have no idea how bad their breath smells, which is sometimes caused by tooth or gum issues in the mouth.  Get your mouth checked out by a good dentist at least every 6 months.  That’s not even a joke.  I just don’t want to throw up on the train.

Finally, food.  I love food.  I love smelling it. I love eating it. I love thinking about it.  Most of my day is spent planning what to eat or where to eat, or some combination of the two.  Personally, I have no issue with smelling food on the train.  I just don’t think it’s fair when I haven’t eaten yet and you take out your delicious bacon, egg, & cheese sandwich right behind me.  For your safety, I recommend you wait to eat it.  One of these days I might not have any self control.

Or am I making a big deal out of nothing and it’s one of those “first world problems.”

Quirkily yours,
The Quirky Digest

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